Many couples need guidance in identifying the specific problems they can tackle in improving their marriages or relationships.

You might feel that "something is wrong" or something hurts or doesn't feel right, but you can't exactly put your finger on it.

It can frequently be helpful to have something like a "danger signs" chart (like used in helping people diagnose cancer or other disorders).

One thing I want you to totally get out of your mind right now is the idea that at the deep psychological level that there are any absolutes about "what women want" or "what men want."

I tell you, I've seen absolutely every variation on this old saw in the so called "literature" of my field, in the popular literature, in television, movies, magazines, workshops, and I'm totally unconvinced that at the deepest, most fundamental levels that you can make ANY conclusions about "what women want and need" or "what men want and need" in relationships.

A few years ago, the experts in my field of psychology and psychiatry finally realized what everyone already knows--and published it in our main diagnostic manuals.

They looked at the experiences of trauma and pain and recognized that everyone is different, and that you can't define trauma and pain in general terms that apply to everyone.